Vignettes
by pet-munchkin
Summary: A night's foolish act and everything seems to have changed... - A series of vignettes, nine chapters in total and finally complete; set in OotP but has a slightly different take on the Remus/Tonks-relationship, thus a bit non-canon to the story
1. Consequences

**Pairing:** Remus/Tonks

**Rating:** T

**Warning:** Slight reference to sexuality; other than that nothing really offending...

**Length:** about 310 words; **all** **chapters together** have about 2,700 words

**Disclaimer: **So there's the Land of Denial (for R/T-shippers considering DH) and there's the Land of Wishful Thinking (for people who wish to own HP). I live in both of them. BUT while the Land of Denial does not change the events in DH (regretfully), the Land of Wishful Thinking sadly neither makes HP mine. So it's hard for me to tell you this, but it's all JKR's, even if I'm not always happy with the way she wrote things.

**Summary: **There's none; just read and you'll see! Takes place in OotP, but does not really go along with canon, kind of a different take on the R/T-relationship...

**Former title: **_Long Night Gone_ - It's a song from the "Kimi Wa Petto"-Soundtrack, a japanese TV show that I really liked a lot (well, the song was called "Long Night_s _Gone" but who cares about that little _s_?). Almost all the chapters have a former title - which is not important at all, but I'll tell you for fun anyways! ;D

**Beta: **none (yet)

**Author's Notes:** I like this one. Really. And all the other chapters, too (mostly). There will be nine and I already started to write a companion piece from Remus' POV that will fill in some gaps and explain his behaviour somewhat further. Enjoy reading, it won't take long... ;)

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**1. Consequences**

"Go."

It was a simple demand, yet she wouldn't have expected it, not from him anyways.

"What…?" she said slowly, clutching the sheets to her naked body and feeling a bit dazed still, both from the alcohol and the actions that had followed that night. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, his gaze set on a point opposite that she couldn't make out.

"Just go, Tonks."

His voice was more determined than before and there was a hint of desperation in it. She felt worry rise in her stomach and inched closer. Instinctively she reached out to him, but he backed away as soon as her hand touched his arm. She frowned, concerned.

"What's wrong…? Come on, Remus, tell me…"

For a moment he put his face in his hands, sighing deeply. Then he looked over his shoulder, and his eyes were dark and firm when they set on hers. She was shocked. Never had she seen such an expression on him; and just some hours ago he'd been so kind, so loving, plain perfect…

"I said: _Out, Tonks_!"

His voice was loud now, and angry. The coldness in it hit her unforeseen and hard. He meant it.

She opened her mouth and closed it again. There was nothing to say and she knew it. So instead of arguing, she got up quickly and gathered her scattered clothes from the floor, a stinging pain behind her eyes, even though she didn't surrender… yet. She was out a second later, the door closed. Standing there for a moment, she couldn't bring herself to believe what had happened. But slowly realisation seeped in and she felt her knees give way and sank to the floor, still naked, with the soft fabric of her favourite shirt held closely to her heart, tears running down her face. What had she done?

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I know it's short, but it's a vignette, see? I hope it makes up for the companion story to _Seeking Comfort, Seeking Love_ which I don't think lived up to expectations and feel very disappointed about. I'll upload further chapters with a two-days-break each (maybe if reviews show great interest I'll upload daily). Tell me what you think and I promise you get to spend a night with Remus (or Tonks, whomever you want) and he (she) won't throw you out (be thrown out by you) in the morning! :)

Toodles, see ya und tschüß


	2. Hurt

**Length:** about 215 words (bit short I must say...)

**Disclaimer:** The usual "Bollocks, it's not mine, it's JKR's!" (**Warnings:** Swearing in the preface!)

**Former title:** _In From The Cold_ - Hmm... I seem to have forgotten where that one came from... (and it doesn't really fit that much, does it? Thank Merlin, it's not the actual title!)

**Author's Notes: **So here we are, second chapter which is a bit short. I'll make it up to you when I upload a new chapter already tomorrow, ok? Have fun reading then, 'cause I had definitely fun writing... ;D

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**2. Hurt**

She sat in the kitchen, staring absent-mindedly at the table. She hadn't seen him in weeks, only shortly at meetings, but he wouldn't talk to her or even look at her. She hated silence. She hated awkwardness. And she couldn't help but mope over him.

"Mor-"

She looked up in surprise, wide-eyed. She hadn't even heard anyone descend the stairs, and neither the opening of a door. Yet he stood in front of her, stopped dead in his tracks. If she hated anything more than silence or awkwardness, it was awkward silence.

"Morning…" he finished quietly, but didn't move still, and put his hands in the pockets of his trousers, not exactly meeting her eyes. He seemed uncertain what to do next.

"Morning, Lupin," she said and satisfaction filled her rather than regret as he slightly winced at the use of his surname. She wanted to hurt him as he had hurt her, and she blamed him for evoking this nasty feeling in her. But she seemed to have achieved her aim - he looked hurt.

"I see I'm not welcome here. I'll just go then," he murmured and turned. When he was gone she could feel the tears well up again. She put her face in her hands, swearing loudly and hating herself in every way.

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Tonks, why always crying? - This series of vignettes has Tonks at the verge of tears (and further) quite often, huh? Well, that's just the way things are... Anyhow, I hate awkward silence as well, so you better review and show me that you really were on this site reading this new chapter of _Vignettes._ Please?

Pass me the butter, will ya, am so hungry right now!; see ya und tschüß


	3. Taste

**Length: **about 290 words - short and sweet! (Or is it angsty?)

**Disclaimer: **Don't worry. I wrote a letter to JKR and begged her to give me the rights of HP. I'm pretty optimistic, you know, and I bet she's going to approve! ;D So until I get notice from her that it'll be mine, it's all hers for the time being.

**Former title: **_Coping_ - Doesn't really fit, but since it's just the former title...

**Author's Notes:** Finally, one of my fave chapters! I hope you like it, too. As always, have fun reading...

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**3. Taste**

Christmas Eve. Lovely. Everything was lovely on Christmas, had to be. Yet she didn't feel lovely at all. She felt devastated, and it was his entire fault. So she did the only reasonable thing she could think of when she saw him standing in the deserted entrance hall, mistletoe above his head. She strode over and kissed him.

He blinked, twice. She wasn't sure what he was going to do, but felt rather certain that he would push her away again, tell her to go. However, he grabbed her and pulled her into a second kiss, long and passionate. She moaned in pleasure. She had almost forgotten about the way he kissed, the way he tasted, the way it felt like to be close to him.

"Remus…" she whispered tentatively against his lips. He broke the kiss almost instantly, gazing down at her wide-eyed, realisation sinking in. And the next moment she knew, he really did push her away again and held her at arm length.

"Don't," he said very simply. She understood immediately what he meant.

"Why not?"

He gave no answer. His gaze was fixed on her, his eyes growing darker by second, and she was on the verge of tears again, because she knew exactly what he was thinking.

"But I can't stop."

Her voice was almost cracking as was she herself, deep down inside, and she grabbed his shirt for hold. He took her hand firmly, freeing himself from it not quite gently.

"Don't," he repeated and the desperation was back in his voice. And then he simply went and left her standing under the mistletoe, her heart broken into a thousand pieces, and she bit her lip so hard that she could taste blood.

His taste was already gone…

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Don't you just love Christmas? I could have Christmas all year! But then it wouldn't be special anymore, would it? So it's quite okay, I reckon, that we have Christmas only once every year...

Well, everyone kind enough to review will get a tasty kiss from either Remus or Tonks (under a mistletoe if you prefer - even though Christmas is already over).

Anyone, please get me some gingerbread (I love gingerbread!); see ya und tschüß


	4. Want And Need

**Length: **about 400 words (Vignette-ish, huh?)

**Disclaimer:** -sigh- ...not mine... -sigh- ...all HP characters and locations... -sigh- ...all of this is JKR's... -sigh- (It's sort of depressing, isn't it?)

**Former title:** O.o? Oh, none, apparently. This one I just liked the way it was! :D

**Author's Notes: **Rather dramatic. Did I say _rather_? I meant: Really dramatic. And still, apart from all the angst, I seem to like this chapter. As always, have fun reading...

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**4. Want And Need**

She _wanted_ him. Now _want_, that was something she didn't consider to be the problem. _Want_ was strong, true, but it faded with every step he'd back away from her and it turned into anger and resentment instead. She felt tired. No, _want_ wasn't really the problem, although she could still feel it strongly pulsate through her body with every thud her wrenched heart made.

The problem, she had realised long ago, was _need_. Simple - yet it proved to be her doom. She _needed _him and that was something that wouldn't fade away that easily. So she had promised herself she'd take a risk, and tell him. It was the only thing left to do apart from dying of a devastating love.

Quietly, she opened the door to his room. It was new moon; she had waited for it, because she thought that it might make a difference. If he was as far from being a werewolf as possible, she hoped he might act as close to a human as possible…

"Remus…" she called out, quietly and uncertain. He was sitting in a chair, reading a book in the dim light of a little oil lamp. When he looked up and took in the sight of her, he sighed deeply. She could almost feel her heart sink all the way down to her toes, dead, and taking courage with it.

"Just this one thing," she said, before all her bravery had the chance to desert her, and before he could even object and tell her to leave him alone. She gave him an intense look and forced an unconvincing smile on her face. "I love you. And I need you. I just thought you should know…"

She swallowed heavily, breathing was getting harder. She stared to the floor, embarrassed, and closed her eyes for a second, hating herself, hating him, hating their situation and the fact that she very possibly just destroyed her last bit of hope to get back to a normal friendship with him.

When he didn't answer, she couldn't help but laugh at herself in desperate fashion while having a hard time to fight back the tears. Foolishness was not new on her, yet she should have known…

"Whatever…" she murmured and with that she was gone, running up the stairs to hide in a bathroom and drown in the shattered world that she had just created around herself.

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Know what? I have my owns needs, too. For example: I need reviews! Or better yet, I _want_ reviews (but I never mean to push, so...). How about giving me reviews then? (_Please?_)

Another interesting thing: Lately, while I was working on _Vignettes #2_, I realised that when I write in Tonks' POV I mostly have more action in the story while in Remus' POV there's a lot of thinking going on. I wonder if it's because I associate Tonks' character with her actually doing things and Remus' character more with him musing all the time. Because I seem to do this unconsciously... Or is it because I don't pay enough attention to my story outlines...? That has me worrying.

So review-needy Jord sends you all her worried greetings, see ya und tschüß


	5. Discouraged

**Length:** about 255 words (and as much as I wish to put another zero behind that number, I simply can't!)

**Disclaimer: **You know the people who say they wouldn't own anything of HP, because, apparently, it's supposed to be JKR's property? Well _unfortunately_ I'm one of those, and yes, it really _is _JKR's property... (Bugger. -.-)

**Former title: **_I'll Get Back To You On That_ - Had my humorous day there, so I have actually no idea where this title came from... (well, probably from the unexplored depths of my busy mind, but that's just my guess. ;D)

**Author's Notes: **Tiptoeing towards the end, we are. Nah, don't worry, there'll be another four chapters before this series of vignettes really ends (and of course don't forget the companion series in Remus' POV that will be uploaded afterwards!!). I like the last part of this (in general, I love choosing parts I like), other than that it's a bit short. As always, have fun reading...

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**5. Discouraged**

Valentine's Day. She'd dreamt about him last night. He had sent her a bouquet of pink roses and invited her to have a private dinner with him. They had had the greatest time together and then…

She couldn't remember. It had been one of those dreams that made her dizzy and light-headed, and that she desperately wanted to cling onto and never forget, yet still only half remembered when she woke up, and it would keep getting blurrier the time she'd have breakfast, eventually almost forgotten in the afternoon. She liked to fill in the gaps, however. With kisses and confessions of love, with innocent touches and then probably not so innocent touches. But still, in the end, it still remained no more than a dream.

The _real_ Remus had made no effort yet to make her dream come true. She hadn't expected him to. It hurt nevertheless. Of course, as an alternative, she had thought about making another move on him. She had even bought chocolate for him, the one that was actually very cheap, but that she knew he loved like nothing else.

It was almost twelve at night when he finally arrived at Grimmauld's. She watched him enter, watched him ascend the stairs, and she couldn't, for the life of her, muster enough courage up to give him her present. So she ended up standing in front of the door to his room for at least half an hour, before she simply put the chocolate down on the threshold. She left no note with it.

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Of course, you don't have to wait until Valentine's Day to send me your presents. Reviews, that is. And don't forget to watch out for the next chapter!

School has me busy lately; see ya und tschüß


	6. Suffering From Love

**Length:** about 185 words short (Now I promise you the next two chapters have about 420 words which is significantly longer and will hopefully make up for this short chapter.)

**Disclaimer: **Imagine I would be the owner of HP - the first book would have about 20 words, the next one maybe 30. The fifth (which was the largest of them all as we all know) would have approximately 80 words. Get my point? I mean, _I_ consider this here to be a _chapter_ and it has about 190 words... So no, I'm not the owner. That would be JKR. Be thankful for that! ;D

**Former title: **_Lost Again_ - I liked that title. Maybe I'll use it somewhere else sometime. (Doesn't it remind you of the TV series, too? I'm waiting for season 4 to be aired...)

**Author's Notes: **Again, I'm sorry for the shortness of this chapter. I really hope it doesn't take the fun out of reading...

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**6. Suffering From Love**

"Thank you."

She whirled around, wide-eyed.

"Pardon?" she asked, not angry but just startled. He was leaning against the doorframe to the kitchen, hands in his pockets and sadly smiling at her.

"I said: _Thank you_, Tonks."

"What for?"

She was confused. She had no idea what he meant and was just too surprised to hear him say something like this. And then he pulled the bar of chocolate out of one of his pockets, still unopened. He didn't say anything further, just watched her, and she didn't even make an effort to try and ask how he knew. Instead, she dropped her head, sorrow filling her heart.

"Just do me a favour and don't give it back. Just eat it, okay?"

And with that he was out again, and she couldn't help but feel that he would never accept anything from her, thinking that he shouldn't encourage her or something. She closed her eyes for a moment, feeling hurt. Silently, she made a note for herself to stop trying. Because suffering from love was a lot harder than she had thought it to be.

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I did like that chapter in some way. Particularly the idea of Remus (lazily) leaning against the doorframe with his hands in his pockets and smiling (though not sadly but a bit more mischievously please). - sigh- I need to use that image sometime later again! :D

Poor Tonks, though, suffering so much... I really hope she'll have her happy ending. _However_, I can't tell you for now, so you will have to keep reading. But I promise I'm not as mean as I seem to be... (Mwahahahaha... -cough, cough-)

Which reminds me of something: _Please_ don't make me suffer from lack of reviews, okay? I don't do well with suffering (am not as strong as Tonks is), especially since it makes me all depressive and moody! And if there's one thing in the world that's worse than a Grindylow in your bathtub (or Mad-Eye in a red nightgown with yellow ducks on it?), it would have to be a depressive and moody Jord. You really don't want that, believe me...

I'll be gone over the weekend, so next update on Sunday at the earliest (probably Monday?); see ya und tschüß


	7. Pretend

**Length: **about 425 words (and didn't I promise?)

**Disclaimer: **_Jord and JKR_ or _How I got to own HP_

Me: "Hello JKR, I'm Jord. I'd like to own HP. Er... _please_?"

JKR (smiling): "Oh, of course, here you can have it. It's all yours."

Me: "Oh really? That's so nice of you!" (taking papers from JKR with tears in her eyes)

And it was all mine ever after...

- _The End -_

It's a short play (as you can see). How about acting it out? Anyways, bear in mind that plays are _not_ real. Therefore HP still belongs to JKR in real life... -sigh-

**Former title: **none (I always wanted this to be _Pretend_ and that's what it is. Apparently... -.-)

**Author's Notes:** Love the topic of this chap in some way. It even has some kind of preface, like a moral at the beginning... I wonder why I didn't do this with all the other chapters...? Fun with reading and still learning, that would be. But I don't write fables or anything, so... Anyway, have fun reading!

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**7. Pretend**

_The thing about pretending is that one has to actually believe all the things one is pretending. Only then it becomes real and convincing._

She pretended she was alright. So she was. She pretended she didn't love him, only liked him as everyone did, as a colleague, possibly a friend, but that was all. So she did. She pretended she hadn't mourned over him for months, hadn't resented him for his behaviour, hadn't shed about a thousand tears because of him. So she hadn't. And she pretended that her world was still in perfect order, not broken into millions of pieces by a man she pretended not to love, pretended to be friends with. So it was.

Yet, as much as she tried and pretended, she couldn't believe herself when she said to the mirror in front of her that she didn't love him. She could tell that to anyone and they'd probably believe her, because, apparently, she was a good pretender. But she knew better, after all. She could convince everyone else, but she just couldn't convince herself.

Sighing, she turned on the faucet and held her hands under hot water, watching it lace through her fingers for a moment, revelling in the calming sensation. Her mind felt dizzy, tired. How long had she been standing here? Perhaps people were already missing her at the meeting. _He_ wouldn't though…

She closed her eyes and tried again, just one more time, one last desperate attempt to convince herself.

"I don't love him."

It didn't work.

A throat was cleared behind her and her eyes widened when she saw Remus' reflection in the mirror. How long had he been there? She felt anger rise in her stomach. Her mantra hadn't been for him to hear.

"What?" she snapped, her hands suddenly painfully tight around the washbasin. He seemed taken aback, looking at her with a pained expression. She turned around to face him, and his gaze drifted off under her sharp stare.

"What?" she said again, her voice even sharper than before, though she hadn't exactly intended it to be. He shook his head.

"Nothing," he said, his voice filled with hurt and resignation, "I'm sorry to have disturbed you."

As she watched him walk up the stairs, shoulders dropped, head bowed, she felt regret overcome her. Realisation dawned on her that, no matter how hard she tried, there was no point in pretending. Because she loved him and knew that she did, and it was enough to make her understand that reality couldn't be altered that easily.

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Let me try something: I will try to pretend for five minutes now that I don't want any reviews at all... ... ... ... Heck, didn't work. Reviews then?

Cheers (are we drinking champagne now?); see ya und tschüß


	8. Giving In

**Length: **about 430 words (Pretty much like the last one, huh?)

**Disclaimer:** JKR's nice. She brought us HP. Logically, she's a very nice person. It would be even nicer of her to give me the rights of HP, though. (Oh, and please don't think that I would care about the money, I really don't. Well... probably just a tiny little bit...) Anyways, like everyone else who's into HP, I'd like to own it. JKR's nice, did I already tell you that? But oh well, she's not _that_ nice - so it's ALL hers still. I think I have to simply live with that... you, too, I suppose... (unless you're JKR?)

**Former title:** _Unforeseen_ - Hm... that would've been okay, in some way. But I like the other one a lot more, since it does fit a lot better, you know. Still, this title would've been fun...

**Author's Notes: **8th chapter - and we're almost done. Yeah! Or is this an occasion to be sad and start crying? Better don't bother right now and have fun reading instead...

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**8. Giving In**

She had lost her vitality.

Her hair colour was a pale shade of pink lately. Her face seemed more worn and tired than usual, whenever she took a look at herself in the mirror. People had expressed their concern, but all she could ever tell them was that she was all right, that it might just be the stress or something. She supposed Remus knew what was wrong, because every time he would look at her, she would find his eyes darken with guilt and concern. Yet he didn't make an attempt to talk to her. She hadn't expected him to, anyway.

It was late April; rainy, cloudy, cold – just depressing in more than one way. She stumbled up the stairs to the door to Grimmauld's, soaked wet and soiled since she had managed to slip on the way. It hadn't been her best day so far.

When she knocked on the door, it was Remus who opened it. She sighed deeply at the sight of him.

"Don't," she told him sternly, as he eyed her smudged outfit with confusion and concern, and then added in a slightly sarcastic yet brighter tone, "I just submitted to my clumsiness, as always."

She went straight past him. It was hard to talk to him, but it was harder to talk to him as if nothing had been between them. Still she tried with every ounce of herself to rebuild their colleagueship, and probably their friendship, too. Because she wanted it. Because she had realised that being with him, even if only as a colleague, was better than not being with him at all. Because hope was not lost on her, if ever so tiny it might have been these days…

She had almost reached the stairs when she felt a hand close around her wrist, stopping her from hurrying on.

"Tonks…" said a soft voice behind her. Her breath hitched. She didn't dare turn around.

"Tonks…" came the voice again, even more softly, and she closed her eyes, swearing under her breath. She was not going to give in. She had had a bad day, looked awful, felt miserable – she was not going to let him comfort her. Not when he didn't want to love her.

"Dora…"

Her eyes snatched open, wide, and her heart skipped a beat or two. She turned around abruptly, staring in shock at Remus. He looked back, worry written across his face, and his hand tightened its grip on her wrist. But when he pulled her into a firm hug, she couldn't help it anymore. She gave in.

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Giving in is not as bad as it sounds. An example: Look at the neat button on the left corner at the bottom of this site. It says "Submit Review" - _Nice_, huh? Don't you feel the need to give in and review? See, there's nothing wrong with giving in in such a situation. Did I already tell you that you _are_ in such a situation right now...? (I know, I really need to stop pushing. But it's fun, so... ;D)

I'd like to inform everybody who's interested that I'm almost done with _Vignettes #2_. Apparently, the chapters in this fic have a total of about 400-550 words (so in general a bit more than _Vignettes_) due to less direct action in the plot, but a lot of musing on Remus' part instead. I really hope nobody's going to be angry with me that the style has changed for the companion piece. But then again, it _is_ Remus' POV, so the style has to change in some way, doesn't it? Just try it out when it's uploaded, please. Although it's different, it's going to be good! (Says Jord... -.-)

Hankies are dead useful!; see ya und tschüß


	9. Promise

**Length:** about 195 words (short, yet sufficient)

**Disclaimer:** One thing: JKR - it's all yours. However, would it be too much to ask to make it all mine?

**Former title:** _Wild At Heart_ - Didn't know what I was doing there... it's actually a Buffy episode! Who would've thought? (And even one about werewolves. Coincidence?)

**Author's Notes:** One of my faves again since finally (!)... er, but please read for yourself. As always, have fun with that...

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**9. Promise**

She smiled at him. A wide, triumphant smile.

"I knew," she said, unable to keep her voice calm and composed - it was rather filled with happiness and delight. Not that she minded, of course.

"I knew from the start," she said again and laughed with all her heart. It felt so good to be able to laugh again, and she wanted him to know that it felt good, that she couldn't be more satisfied right now. And he laughed, too, and turned to face her, a twinkle in his eyes while he rested his face on one hand, peering at her with the most mischievous glance she had ever seen. She bit her lip and considered him for a moment; dishevelled, content as it seemed, and – oh – definitely naked. She smiled cheekily.

"You so love me, Remus J. Lupin," she stated earnestly, "And don't you ever dare tell me otherwise again."

He grinned back, and then put his free hand around her waist and pulled her into a languid kiss. She sighed into him.

"Never my intention," he whispered passionately against her lips, and she could swear that she'd tasted a promise on them.

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Well then..._ Promise_ me to review? (That one was obvious, wasn't it?)

So this is it. The last chapter of _Vignettes_. Finally, it's a complete series!! My first one, actually, but believe me: Definitely not my last chaptered fic! (Especially not since I already have _Vignettes #2_ in line waiting for you. You will keep reading, right?) I'm quite satisfied with this series, I must say. It was fun to write, even if it was not always well-written. (I still have that problem that I'm not a native English speaker... -sigh-) So I'm asking you: How do you feel about it? Think it was good? Anything to improve? Anything that you didn't like, that could've been a lot better? And what exactly did you like? Don't be afraid of telling me, just give some sort of concluding summary please. :D

With this, I'd like to thank everyone who's been following this series. Thanks so much, it's means a lot to me! And thanks for all the wonderful reviews!!

Let's shed a tear of happiness just this once; see ya (definitely!) und tschüß


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